Lost and never to be found

It’s complicated.
Sometimes I think I live inside of you, in your possession,
Very prized, I’d hope.
Then I realise that you live inside of me, I can’t seem to move on.
When you left words unsaid,
I completed them for you,
I said everything I wanted you to say to me,
I thought that was love.
I loved the sound of your name after mine,
I’d thought of names for our kids,
I’d was happy tailing your footsteps and dwelling in your shadow,
I wanted in every sense to be one with you.
I hate myself, for dreaming.
Seasons have come and gone,
I tried to forget things about you,
I wonder if you had to try too hard,
Time is so kind; it does a phenomenal wash job,
Yesterday faint and fading,
Today all gone,
The smell of you, the sound of you, the feel of you,
This is nirvana!
I can’t believe I can feel so good again.
You've finally come looking for me?
I'm not sure whom I empathize with more
You'll never find me,
I'm not the same girl anymore.

All I want!

I want an antiquarian cottage on a knoll, far from the maddening crowds to call my home,
I want to wake up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee wafting into the room and sunshine on my face,
I want to sit on the porch, stare at the bright blue sky and smell the wild flowers in spring,
I want to run after my pup as he chases a fleeting cloud across our lawn,
I want to go on the longest drive after the rains with the strongest wind against my face,
I want that granddad I’d always wished for, who will tell me stories of our glorious past and the freedom fights,
I want to look at black and white picture of strangers with stranger expressions called ancestors,
I want to laugh so hard that I end up with tears in my eyes for no particular reason,
I want to roll on the grass and have a feather tickle my ear,
I want to eat with my hands and let out a subtle burp,
I want to have a delectable meal not feeling guilty I binged,
I want to travel to strange lands and embrace the differences and similarities,
I want to bust those occasional-turned-frequent pimples on my face and end up with no scars,
I want to splatter in the rain and not catch a cold,
I want a shoulder to lean on and a laced hanky to snort into when a sad movie ends,
I want to dabble in paint and lose myself in my favorite song,
I want to watch a ladybug sun bathe and a rainbow disappear,
I want to hear the leaves rustle and the wind blow,
I want to go on an endless walk holding the hand that’ll never let go,
I want to capture the happiest moments and the loveliest sights and treasure them in a photo,
I want to scribble on recyclable paper with bright blue ink in my father’s fountain pen,
I want to whimper and whine about problems that are not mine,
I want to see the sun go down and the moon come up,
I want to count the stars in the night sky and name the prettiest one after my grand mom,
I want to be hugged and told I’m loved
I want my mommy to kiss my scraped knees and bruises away,
I want to wear my warmest sweater and be tucked into bed
I want to fall asleep with a book in my arm, a pink quilt on my back and the happiest dream over my head.
But most of all I want to be four again.
That’s all I want!

In our times!

Let me begin ab ovo…Adam and Eve cavorting about apple trees, all that fuss and semi clad drama.
It was all fun when it began….we sure have come a long steep winding way.
Someday I’ll look back and wonder what I’d tell my children of my times….That we had it all figured out wrong?
In our times…
Time they said was money, but money was never time…
We signed peace treaties and made bigger bombs,
We married for convenience and not for love,
We worked for money and not passion,
Religion united people from across seven seas but separated brothers of the same land,
We feared to dream yet shied away from reality,
We beautified our body and killed our soul,
We solved the most complex problems yet the real ones still remained,
We used our head and not our heart,
We existed but we didn’t quite live!
Yet hope floated…
For the very best part of my day was when I fell asleep every night….I was transported back to a time when I scampered around the Garden of Eden again….honey bees…apple trees and happy memories.