Lost and never to be found

It’s complicated.
Sometimes I think I live inside of you, in your possession,
Very prized, I’d hope.
Then I realise that you live inside of me, I can’t seem to move on.
When you left words unsaid,
I completed them for you,
I said everything I wanted you to say to me,
I thought that was love.
I loved the sound of your name after mine,
I’d thought of names for our kids,
I’d was happy tailing your footsteps and dwelling in your shadow,
I wanted in every sense to be one with you.
I hate myself, for dreaming.
Seasons have come and gone,
I tried to forget things about you,
I wonder if you had to try too hard,
Time is so kind; it does a phenomenal wash job,
Yesterday faint and fading,
Today all gone,
The smell of you, the sound of you, the feel of you,
This is nirvana!
I can’t believe I can feel so good again.
You've finally come looking for me?
I'm not sure whom I empathize with more
You'll never find me,
I'm not the same girl anymore.

In her shoes?

She strutted into the room with an aborning sense of anxiety. After all she was here on a self imposed torture to dissect the room of the so called supernal stranger she would love to hate.
“So this is her sanctum”, she mused to herself.
She seemed girly, yet not entirely. The room was done in shades of pink and blue-not quite stereotype and the colors did go surprisingly well together.
I wonder what type she would fall into, it had a strange stasis.
It suggested that she bordered dangerously between being a girl’s girl and a guy’s girl…..maybe little more of a girl’s girl.
The room was strewn with cushions, way too many infact…a side table on one corner of the room by the bed lodged a bedside lamp and a pile of books mostly clichéd best sellers, few books on Indian as well as world history and a bunch of travel journals. Your conventional reader-maybe voracious, maybe not!
A lone figure of Garfield confirmed that she didn’t hate stuffed toys but she sure loved Garfield and the donkey from Shrek. Cliché again!
The inbuilt shelf in the wall housed photo albums and some nonage baggage (teenage scrap books and dog-eared year books!)
Girlie girlie girlie!
She examined the bangle stand disdainfully; it was a mélange of every possible color in the world flirting with each other…not her type definitely!
She was so not like her and that made it maybe easier to dislike her even more!
Maybe...maybe,there just might be the slightest chance that they could be friends in another life in another world.
In the middle of this extensive examination she caught a glance of herself in the mirror across the room,
And admired what she saw, and she knew a lot men would agree. Few vain moments later her eyes ran across the room evasively again.
Finally they eyes rested on the shoe rack…they had a pair of floaters and two sneakers that were lost in an array of neatly arranged varicolored shoes.
Some had large heels, some tiny and few were flat…the wide spectrum of shoes brought about the obvious conclusion that there was a shoe fetish of sorts.
She had seen women who could boast of larger and far better collections but the owner of the room was definitely fond of shoes.
What else was she like? She mulled over that thought as she maundered about the room.
Her large kohl adorned doe eyes swept across the room a last few times and her gaze finally lingered on a photograph.
It was a picture of him and “her”.
Tears stained the floor invisibly and washed everything else out of sight.
“What did she have that I didn’t?” The only question playing on her mind as she ran out of the room sobbing.
She wasn’t sure if she hated her but in a vague moment of clarity she was sure about one thing…she was sure she wanted to be in “her” shoes…only so that she could be with him.

Fait accompli!

The phone dropped from my trembling hand. The urge to cry was strong, I tried but I couldn’t.
The memories were turning crimson and in a matter of seconds they had completely burnt out. It was all over...just like that!
All those years meant nothing suddenly...I tried to gather all those special happy memories...random moments...it seemed like a bootless exercise...I persisted but couldn’t find a single one...not one.
This couldn’t be true,this nightmare was going to end when I woke up.
It has always been an obsession with me-I have a back-up of everything from random personal emails to the weirdest chat conversation...and all those photographs! Imagine the irony of the wipe out of all those memories closest to my heart!
I couldn’t believe it could happen to me. I'm sure my mind was playing games...Maybe it was the stress at work. Maybe it was everything together. Maybe it was nothing!
The idea seemed eerily familiar,like a déjà vu...it was that movie...what was the name again?
I had watched it on the strong recommendation of a colleague...yes that was it-eternal sunshine of the spotless mind...the movie had freaked me out of my wits but I thought it would be so surreal yet life changing if everyone had the right to get rid of all those rotten memories of those further rotten men who never deserved us in the first place!(as any well wisher would put it.)
Inside my head was a mocking voice saying, careful what you wish for! I was sure that was the devil himself talking.
I was beginning to freak out by now..it couldn’t be true,it couldn’t be happening to me!
I logically reasoned to myself that these things don’t happen in a real world.
Am I beginning to lose my mind? I needed to talk to someone. I couldn’t decide who...and where could I start without sounding like a lunatic?
Left with no choice I lay abed and last remember staring at the dusty ceiling endlessly while the TV that blared in the background seemed strangely therapeutic.

I don’t know when I fell asleep but when I woke up the next day all that remained was a strange inveterate pain...