Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Dog Days(All puns intended!)


Have I told you about the time Andy thought he was dying of rabies?
Andy and I worked together in our first company and barely knew each other, coincidentally we quit around the same time. On our last day, once we got done with the swan songs with no office politics to be a part of anymore Andy graciously offered me a ride back home.
Enroute, to our astonishment we discovered that we were both joining the same company in a few days!
Our employer, then a start up in India was the perfect breeding ground for everything but work with an unfledged set up and no supervision… and that’s when I got to know Andy better.
He’d almost have you believe he was twice his age. He strolled into office every morning with crisp clothes, wearing a staid expression and a blue Tupperware bag which I slobbered over relentlessly.
Andy’s mom is one helluva cook. He would let me have morsels that I could count on the fingers of one hand with enormous difficulty. So, like all good things in the world even those few delightful bites also came at a price.
Andy cant spell.
Not even with spell check, he spells words in ways that don’t even come close to how they are meant to be spelt.
I become Andy’s typist. He rewards me handsomely, in his miserly own way with a few morsels of food and the entire lunch box on Thursdays, that’s the perk!
You see, Thursday is the day Annie cleanses his system.
Unbelievable but true, he actually lives on fruit and fruit juices on Thursdays and that by far was the highlight of my working week. Thank god for Thursdays!
Andy is quite a paradox, self-confidence his forte and paranoia his strength.
Apart from catalyzing my hunger pangs, Andy also loves playing with his roadside doggy “Itchy”.
One mundane evening Andy returns from office to finds out about Itchy’s sudden death.
Andy is brooding over his loss, and trying to collect every last memory of his beloved Itchy and to his horror he realizes that Itchy had given him a big warm lick on an open wound the previous day.
That was their very last “special” memory and that’s when the trouble began.
He spent the next few hours running around his neighborhood investigating Itchy’s death.
It didn’t take too much to convince Andy that Itchy died of rabies.
He looked up the symptoms online for rabies and he realized he possessed all the early symptoms such as nausea, fever and head ache.
Early the next morning the quest for the best rabies specialist begins.
Despite having taken his rabies vaccines as a child, he left his days were numbered.
Four different doctors and four prescriptions later nothing had changed.
To worsen matters, he found himself with the symptoms of the next stages of rabies being diarrhea, severe headaches, fever and extreme shivering.
Andy was born with a beauraucratic spoon is his mouth. With his corrupt contacts Andy got himself an appointment with the President of the Rabies Foundation (Which I now know exists!).
Andy by now was given anti-anxiety pills by his fifth doctor (without exaggeration, really!). The pills were recommended for 4-5 days but Andy was on the pills for two weeks. It gave him a lot of solace.
He slept at work,slept at home and when he was awake he prayed ferverently to the gods for the most peaceful death possible under the circumstances.
The next few days were spent avoiding puddles, dogs, baths and waiting for that moment when he would actually be taken over by hydrophobia and would not be able to even look at water!
“Why, oh god would you want to subject me to this kind of a death even if I have to die..!”.This was the only thought playing on his head all day long.
And before he knew it two months were up and well, rabies hadn’t arrived yet.
He had passed all the tests and was well past the rabies mark.
Andy didn’t have rabies, after all.
He however has gathered enough knowledge on the subject to consider a career in it.
He does not socialize with dogs anymore and has turned vegetarian.
Andy and I don’t work in the same office anymore and despite him napping and malingering in office for the two weeks on anxiety pills, he has been promoted to Manager.
Andy still can’t spell but he now manages to use spell check without too much difficulty.
And, this is the story of how lives change.

5 comments:

arvindiyer said...

Ahhhh I can make a movie out of Andy (my neighbors dog was called Andy: freaky co-incidence?) Very nicely written and like I said.. admiration club president reporting on duty:)

Anonymous said...

ROFL! You certainly can make people die laughing!
Take my advice seriously and write more about people.
Ananya

Pink-Spotted Scrunch. said...

Hehe, Andy is gloating, hes a strict believer that theres nothing like bad publicity! I'm gonna write about AT one of these days:)

ledsuki said...

Mathews..:)..Nice one!!..:)..You inspire me to write..:)..

Anonymous said...

Know what....With due respect to what the chap must have gone through; Oh God- I couldnt stop laughing Ash...
A thorough laugh-riot...I simply loved it!!!